Table 4 Quotations belonging to the theme reflections on the decision

Regret, grief and relief

57 years, two daughters: “From the age of forty-eight, I became conscious of the fact that I have been psychiatrically vulnerable since my youth. It has cast a significant shadow over the pregnancies and childbirths.”

61 years, one daughter: “Because in 2012 my daughter, who is now 30, suffered from severe depression and she has still not recovered from it. And if I had known that in advance, I also have depression, I am also in depression now. Then she would never have been born… If I had known that she would develop such a severe depression (other participant: that you passed on). Yeah, I probably passed that on. And I find that very terrible.”

53 years, no children: “At a certain point I noticed that I had Tourette’s, and there are all kinds of complaints associated with it. And then I was very happy because of heredity that I didn’t do it [have a child]. It remains painful sometimes, it always remains a sore spot somewhere. Yes, very happy, and very sorry, it’s just a shame sometimes.”

70 years, two sons, experienced an unintended pregnancy: “When I look back on my life, I am now seventy, those were my golden years [with the children]. It was very busy and I had to take a lot of care, having four hands at the same time, but I did it.”

59 years, no children: “Give me the box of tissues [crying and laughing]. My psychiatrist always says to me, because we have talked about it [not having children], you have taken very good care of your children. You have kept them well.”