Table 5 Quotations belonging to the theme shadow of the past

Childhood trauma and adverse life events

62 years, no children, experienced an unintended pregnancy: “Even though I never really felt at home in my parental home, I still wanted something of a family.”

53 years, no children: “I come from a German family, which also caused war trauma. And then I think, what are you passing on, apart from the technical story of passing on. That is my justification [for not having a child].”

Inadequate parenting

32 years, one son: “Yes, I had that too. That you did have an [bad] example. I was like, I don't want to do it like my parents … I want to do it differently.”

59 years, no children: “My father had a mood disorder, manic depressive [disorder]. … My mother has ADD, or ADHD, so I see it from both sides. I see my mother running back and forth hysterically, and I know my father has had huge lows. And then I look back and I’m glad that I didn’t have any children.”