Table 7 Quotations belonging to the theme shadow of the future, grouped by the categories: social influences, transmission of psychiatric disorder(s), and the prospect of motherhood

Social influences

24 years, no children: “Yes, I don’t have that much support from the family. So, then I think, why [would I have child].”

53 years, no children: “My best friend took over my favorite name for a daughter, that has happened twice now. “you're not having children anyway” I just think that’s so inconsiderate. And I'm glad that I only now know that I have autism, because people have a prejudice, like I couldn’t do that [be a mother]. While that doesn’t have much to do with it. I know plenty of people with autism who can take excellent care of their children.”

age unknown, one son: “And what I found very difficult, was that people automatically assumed that I did not want to keep the child. I found that difficult. While for me that is not a question at all.”

Transmission of psychiatric disorder(s)

29 years, no children: “I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world who might inherit some of my psychiatric complaints.”

53 years, no children: “It is a line that had to be stopped (Interviewer: Yes, the past, whether that continues, and whether you still want to create something new for yourself, right?) … Yes, I now have more self-confidence and knowledge about that, that it is possible (other participant: to break the cycle of intergenerational transmission).”

Prospect of motherhood

59 years, no children: “I don’t think I could have raised them [children] well in the years before.”

29 years, no children: “Can I be a good parent? I wonder if I could give a lot of love. … I don’t think that I could really be a good mother. So yes, also a bit out of protection, I think.”

53 years, no children: “No one is 100% successful in raising children. There are also people without any history [of psychiatric disorder] where things go terribly wrong. And of course, you never know what will come your way.”

32 years, one son: “Thanks to the knowledge I now have, I can say clearly that I have a heavy genetic burden. And that is of course also something that I am now more aware of, and “what if my child gets that” goes through my mind. On the other hand, I can say that I have it myself and I now know very well how to deal with it, so I probably recognize it sooner (other participants: yes, yes, yes) and I can also provide better support if so. That makes that I don’t doubt myself as a mother.”